Ranger Hacks Into Our Account

Helloooooooo!  Hey, I'm barking at you!!     

Do you know who this is?  I am not one of the two human parents that I take care of.  I'm the little guy.  In case you don't know what my name is, I will just bark it out for you, R A N G E R. 

 

That's right I am the cute little puppy on the left who hangs out with, RV Living with Pauly and the lady who is Living Life as a Nomad, or if you wish; Mom and Dad.  Those pictures are me at about two months old.

Personally, I don’t think he knows much about RV Living and she is actually living with a nut more than living as a Nomad but, they’re good people.  At least that is what I was told by Mrs. Lisa, the owner of all us puppy’s prior to them arriving at Sands Kennel.  

On that day, Mrs. Lisa, said one of us was leaving and you will be a gypsy of some sort, living in a nice recreational vehicle and traveling all over the country.  I thought to myself, oh heck no, not me!!!  I am not going to be living in a camper and roaming around the United States like a dog who is looking for the mountain of bones. 

So, thinking about these peeps and knowing they were on their way, I figured they won't want a puppy who cannot keep his nose off of the dinner plates, or one who acts crazy and runs around like a maniac.  So, that's how I was hoping I would be overlooked.  Oh was I wrong!  They did not even give those little bratty brothers of mine a cat gone chance.  

 Matter of fact, I think Dad said, “which one of these is the most active and curious puppy?”  Without a chance to change my game around, Mrs. Lisa places her finger on me and says, "This one!"  Like I was a hit man in the Mafia, she fingered me.  I thought, oh no!  She wants me out of here. Wait a minute, what did I ever do to you Mrs. Lisa?  Ok, I peed once, just once in your house and even took a good crap behind your couch, but I think you spanked my dog dad for that. (Hmmm, I wonder if he ratted me out).

 

So there I thought, I'm going to be a wanderer, a dog without a house, something that just sits there and sleeps all day, forced to sit by smelly campfires and having snotty little kids with marshmallows stuck all over them asking to pet me. UGH!!! That's not what I was placed on this earth for.

I was supposed to be a show dog, a puppy who is groomed each and every day, given the best food a dog could have, loved and hugged as if I was a real family member; a champion of show dogs, like my doggy dad Slim (that snitch); not some bum dog that looks for his next meal under some rock or pile of sand.  I was born a Georgia dog, what about my Georgia mansion, where I can be King of the manor.  Why must it be me, that has to live this way of life?  I could have been a model.

Well, there was nothing for it.  There was no escape, these humans took me home and within minutes of arriving at their camper I realized I was the lucky dog.  I no longer felt like Rudolph or Herbie and Yukon Cornelius.  I fit and I do get treated like a King, well ok, maybe more like a Knight or the Duke of Puppy’s because Dad is the King and Mom is the Queen. 

Loved is an understatement!  I do get fed all the right things and I receive any medical attention I may be in need of.  Although, I did not see any humor the day Dad took me for a ride.  I was swished away to a veterinarian and put to sleep for a while.   Sure, it was a great sleep but when I woke up and went to lick my – WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY BALLS???  

They were gone!  I began to sniff around my back legs and was in shock!  Someone stole my balls!  All I could smell was arse!  This must have happened when I was sleeping and none of the other puppy’s are barking a word.  What is happening, first my tail at birth and now my balls are gone!  I was so sleepy that day from the medicine I was given that I just did not care that someone stole my balls. But, the next day, I was fine and on a hunt for my balls.  I’ve looked far and wide and "nuffin." - No balls.

Then, my human Dad approached me after jumping up on him one day with a stern look and said, "you think you're tough guy, you think you have the balls to jump on me like that?  Oh wait, you don't have any balls!!"  I was mortified, no tail, no balls, what’s a puppy to do?

Months went by and quite honestly I was starting to enjoy my new home.  Mom is a sweet lady who spoils me as best she can without catching any slack from Dad.  She likes to give me a little taste of some yummy things to eat, but not too much mind you, she says it isn’t healthy for me.  I don’t know what that means, but so far I haven’t been able to get her to give me more when she says no, and I’ve tried my very best puppy eyes on her. 

She just scratches my head, kisses my muzzle and tells me I’m a good boy.  I kind of like when she does that, but don’t tell her.  Balls or not, I still have a reputation.

I’ve learned so many things already and have gained a trust from my parents.  We play fetch, I can sit, lay, shake. I understand ‘say please’, off, down, no - boy that no sure comes out of their mouths a lot.  I am even good at eating pieces of mommy's puzzle when they fall on the ground.

So many things I have learned. I go on trips with them all over the place and every time we settle down I find myself sniffing new stuff.

One of my favorite places was down by this lake.  It was the first time they let me off my leash for more than a few minutes.  It was so cool there.  I kept finding these smelly fish heads.  They took the first few away, but then they just kind of shrugged and let me have them.  Sometimes, I’d dig in old fire pits too.  Dad would stop me, but when he was out on the lake, Mom would say, you’re lucky your Dad isn’t here and she’d let me keep doing it cause she said to Dad it made me happy.  Wow, by the time I was done that day I looked like a drunk after nickel beer happy hour!!!

It was also at that lake, I think they call it Rose-a-belt, that they started putting out a soft-furry purple chair for me to lay in.  Mom moves it out into the sun so it heats up a little.  I can lay in that thing all warm and snuggly for hours.  Mom is like that, she likes to make sure I’m doing OK…and she fusses over me a little especially if she thinks I’m not feeling well.  I like when she does that too, but don’t tell her – my reputation and all.  The thing is, I really like my new home and my Mom and Dad take real good care of me most of the time. Why most and not all the time you ask?  We’ll, let me tell you a story, see we were sniffing the ground as we walked through this really fun slot canyon in California over near the Borrego Springs area.  

When we came upon a mountainside that looked like a good place for Dad to play fetch with me, he throws the stick way up the mountain like he did a few time before that same day, ‘cept he threw this one just a little higher than normal.  Being a faithful dog and loving them both, I scampered up the mountain to the stick and just as I got to the stick I turned and looked down at my parents and wholey shazit, I am really high up here!  I could hear them commanding me to come down but I just looked at them and thought, I am about 50 feet up this mountain and the side of the mountain is soft and falling from under my paws after every move I make. 

So I just sat there looking at my human parents and saying, I hope you’re happy because I am scared and not wanting to come down on my own.  As a matter of fact, my Dad asked me, “what’s wrong buddy” and all I could say was sorry, “I have no balls”!  But after about twenty minutes of them trying to get me to come down and climbing around the mountain to figure out what to do while I was peeing all around the area I was stuck in, my Dad scaled the mountain and freed me!!  Poor Mom, I think she cried a little.  I know she hugged me real tight.  I like that – don’t tell, yeah you know the drill – my reputation and all.  So like I said, I love these two and will be the best dog I can be as I get older. I really think they need me anyways and I sort of like owning them.  They’re way better than I thought they’d be, even if they are a little nutty sometimes and this traveling stuff is actually really fun.  I hope you’ve enjoyed my blog.  Stop by with some treats and spoil me sometime soon.

Ranger